If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
