It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
