I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
