The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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