Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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