Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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