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What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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