if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
