My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
