The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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