My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
