Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
