i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
