It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
