There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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