Your mouth is God's brothel.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have aggressive nipples.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize