Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
