apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!