I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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