you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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