my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
