She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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