Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
