yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
