I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
