Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
