I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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