No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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