im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
