True but thats because hes a fetus.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize