so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
