I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
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I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.