you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my god I love twenty year old dicks