I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
