Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need a hobby that isn't dick related