Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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