I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
