There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
