A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
