1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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