new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
