I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
