he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I won't apologize to a one balled man
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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