So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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