well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
