Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
