stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
