totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
