Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
