i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
