the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
