I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
