Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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