Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
