i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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