So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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