Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
