I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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