She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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