i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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17 year olds will be the death of me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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