We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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