her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
