you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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