I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am one with the molecules
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
