I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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