im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
