I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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