we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
