I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
