No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk is not a location!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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