If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
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