I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
