he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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