so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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